January 23, 2022

Acqua NYC

Fit And Go Forward

Proud Boys Member Tells Interviewer ‘I’m Kinda Dumb’

A Proud Boy displays a bandana with the phrase Stand Back, Stand By, a reference to President Trump’s statements about the group during a “Stop the Steal” rally on November 7, 2020, in Salem, Oregon.

A Proud Boy displays a bandana with the phrase Stand Back, Stand By, a reference to President Trump’s statements about the group during a “Stop the Steal” rally on November 7, 2020, in Salem, Oregon.
Photo: Nathan Howard (Getty Images)

By and large, Trump supporters are complete morons.

I know I just stated the obvious worse than when Outkast’s Big Boi wrote the lyrics, “I used to hang out with my daddy’s brothers, I call them my uncles,” but you have to admit the Trump cult has been ramping up the stupidity since the commander-in-being-allergic-to-facts lost reelection.

It doesn’t seem to matter how farfetched the conspiracies of widespread voter fraud are, how often they’re debunked, how many of Trump’s bullshit lawsuits get dismissed over lack of evidence or how many media platforms—including Fox News…and I mean, even TUCKER FUCKING CARLSON of Fox News—report that no evidence of massive voter fraud has been revealed. As long as Trump, Rudy Giuliani and whatever crackpot lawyers are still on the team keep repeating the most pitifully obvious propaganda ever, Trump’s gullible-ass followers will continue to believe all of it. Years from now, they will still believe that all of the extras from The Walking Dead voted in the 2020 election and that voting machines are sentient Trump-hating snowflakes that cheat.

Anyway, Newsweek reports that during a Proud Boys rally for dumbasses who think the election was stolen from their commander-in-flagged-tweets, one Proud Boy was interviewed by an activist and young journalist who was covering the demonstration (of abject stupidity).

Video footage of the interaction was posted to Twitter.

After the unidentified man was apparently pressed with questions he doesn’t have the intellectual capacity to answer, he made a startling confession. (And by “starling,” I mean “no shit, Sherlock, but your proud mom might have a stroke after seeing her Proud Boy admit he’s a proud idiot on camera.”)

From Newsweek:

In the footage, the man, who hides his face with a Proud Boys mask, describes to a 17-year-old that he is “kinda dumb” and doesn’t “really research much” and instead lives “by the kneejerk.”

“I just think and move like a f*****g dog,” he adds.

When the offscreen 17-year-old disputes the man’s claims that he is dumb and assures him that he can change, the man replies that he is 43 and “stuck in his ways.”

When the teenager once again tells the Proud Boys supporter to stop thinking he is not smart, the man thanks her and adds: “For what it’s worth, I don’t want this to be the way it is.”

The young person interviewing the man kept telling him “you’re not dumb” and assuring him that he could “choose” to change. I’m just going to go on record in saying that interviewer is literally the kindest person in the world.

Here’s how that interview goes if I’m conducting it:

Proud Boy: “I’m kinda dumb.”

Me: “Sir…Sir…Sir, don’t sell yourself short. You are not ‘kinda dumb.’ If dumb were a chair, you’d be Madison Square Garden. If dumb were defined by a legacy of pretending to like Black people, you’d be Dumb-braham Lincoln. You are ‘kinda dumb’ like the Georgia Aquarium kinda houses marine animals.”

PB: “I just think I move like a fucking dog.”

Me: “OK, but make no mistake: you’re not like one of the dogs anyone would pretend to be. You’re not Lassie, Balto or Hooch from Turner & Hooch. You’re not even Snoopy or Scooby-Doo. You’re like if Odie from Garfield was a Trump supporter. You’re what Pluto and Goofy’s babies would come out like. (Goofy is a dog, right? Hell, your dumbass doesn’t know.) You give off big right-wing version of Brian from Family Guy energy. If you were a perfectly healthy Old Yeller, people would still want to shoot you.”

PB: “I’m stuck in my ways.”

Me: “True…if by ‘my ways’ you mean ‘Trump’s lying ass.’ I have no issue believing that your head is permanently stuck up Trump’s lying, delusional ass. That actually sounds about right.”

I’m not going to lie: I only wrote up this report so I could do the fake interview.

They’re all just so dumb. So very dumb. Nothing “kinda” about it.

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