Parenting Tips with Belinda: Healthy Conflict and Repairing Relationships | KAMR

AMARILLO, Texas (KAMR/KCIT) —Conflict within a family is sometimes healthy, but according to Amarillo Children’s Home Executive Director Belinda Palacios it’s how you repair the relationship that is important.

Rifts happen in family.. part of it. Even in healthy securely attached families all parties are in sync about 30% of the time. The rifts and repairs are critical to a healthy family. It is important for growing a child’s self-regulation, copying and resilience. It is through these events that children learn the world does not track to them perfectly. Small exposures to the micro-stress of unpleasant feelings followed by pleasant feelings that accompany repair gives children manageable practice of “keeping the boat afloat”.

Repairing ruptures is the most essential thing in parenting. Relationships can shrink to the size of the repair so it is the repair after conflict that strengthens the relationship.

Ways to strengthen the family fabric:

· Spend special time with each child individually.

· Appreciate out loud—share gratitude/ reflections/ notice the good throughout the day.

· Watch for tiny bids for repair. Notice the look/ gesture in your child wanting to reconnect.

· Normalize the need to have repairs.

· Likewise if a parent has made the misstep, circle back and initiate the repair.

Four steps to an authentic repair:

· Acknowledge the offense and hurt you may have caused.

· Express remorse. Do not feel this is giving away power.

· Consider offering a brief explanation of what has happened.

· Express a sincere intention to fix the situation and prevent it from happening again.

We have to expect conflicts will happen but it’s how you work through them that matters. Bottom line…. It’s the love that is the repair.