99.1 The Mix host Elizabeth Kay donating kidney to her mother-in-law
Elizabeth Kay doesn’t get nervous.
Since 2009, she’s been talking to thousands of listeners every weekday as morning co-host on WMYX-FM (99.1) in Milwaukee. She’s frequently done segments for WISN-TV (Channel 12), and before the pandemic, she regularly spoke in front of hundreds or thousands of people at concerts and other events.
But Kay was extremely anxious sitting in her sister-in-law’s kitchen around Christmas, watching her mother-in-law Camille Hamme open her present.
“I couldn’t feel my legs, I was so nervous,” Kay said.
As fate would have it, Kay drew Hamme’s name in the family gift exchange last year, and in a matter of moments, Hamme was about to receive the greatest gift of her life.
She unwrapped the present, and inside found a single kidney bean.
The two locked eyes, both of them beginning to tear up. Hamme understood what this meant.
Hamme has had kidney problems since her birth. A series of biopsies throughout her life couldn’t conclusively determine why they were producing so much protein. And after she developed Type 2 diabetes later in her life, the situation became more dire.
Right before Christmas in 2019, Hamme was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney failure. Doctors recommended a kidney transplant. The wait for one could, and often does, take years.
But opening that gift this past December, and seeing that kidney bean, Hamme understood her wait could almost be over.
Hamme knew that Kay had been going through the screening process to be a living kidney donor, which would significantly shorten Hamme’s own wait for a new kidney.
Last December, Kay got the good news. While Kay’s kidney wasn’t a direct match for Hamme, they had been approved to participate in a paired kidney exchange program together through the UW Health Transplant Center in Madison.
This month, Hamme’s wait for a kidney comes to an end. On March 25, she will receive a new kidney through a donor in California. Five days later, one of Kay’s kidneys will be removed, and shipped to Kentucky for a transplant.
“It’s all pretty humbling to be part of the process,” Hamme wrote to the Journal Sentinel via email. “(Kay) has shown so much love and excitement during the process that it has brought out the best in not only me but in my husband as well. It has turned a very scary process into something we’ve learned to almost embrace.”
“It gets me emotional because it’s something that I can never repay her for.”
One of the lucky ones
Hamme recognizes she’s one of the lucky ones. Last year, UW Health managed to perform 315 kidney transplants, but there are about 1,000 people on the wait list, said Melissa Schaefer, clinical transplant coordinator for the transplant center’s Living Kidney Donation Program.
That’s just one hospital system. Across the country, Schaefer estimates about 100,000 people are waiting for kidneys. Data from the Scientific Registry of Transplant Recipients suggests that most people waiting are between 50 and 64 years old (about 43.4%) and predominantly male (62.1%). White and Black people constitute nearly 70% of people waiting for a kidney in the U.S., with a nearly even split at 35.2% and 32.1%, respectively.
“There are so many people that suffer from kidney failure in our country, and there’s a lack of available organs,” Schaefer said.
She suggests there’s a misconception that people who place themselves on a donor list may not receive the same level of medical care if they’re in a life-threatening accident.
“That’s not true,” she said. “That would only be considered if they have done everything possible to try and save someone.”
Wanted: More living donors
Given the huge demand, transplant teams will take whatever eligible kidneys they can. But there’s a preference especially for kidneys from living donors, which generally tend to function better and last longer, Schaefer said.
Naturally, being a living donor is a sacrifice, and there are big questions about quality of life, making up for lost wages, and worries that one of a donor’s loved ones may need a kidney transplant later in life.
“It is our job to make sure those considering kidney donation are medically and psychologically acceptable,” Schaefer said. “It is our job to do no harm. We don’t want to put anybody at significantly higher risks. … Donors who go through the process and are approved go on to donate have a really good long-term prognosis.”
The National Kidney Registry can help reimburse lost wages, Schaefer said, and UW Health is part of a new program through the registry, where living donors can name up to five family members to get vouchers for kidneys should they ultimately need a transplant.
“I think we’re seeing more interest in humanitarian kidney donation because of this,” Schaefer said.
For some, a 10-year wait for a kidney
Nevertheless, the demand for kidneys remains massive. At UW Health, the average wait for a kidney is three to six years, Schaefer said. In certain parts of the country with even greater demand, it can be as long as 10 years.
“For patients waiting around five plus years on dialysis, that can really take a toll on the body,” Schaefer said. “It’s very difficult for our patients having to be on that machine.”
The best-case scenario for a kidney recipient is to have a loved one who is a match serve as a donor. The wait in those cases is typically around a month, Schaefer said.
The second-best option is to enter into a paired kidney exchange program, where the wait time can be dramatically reduced, with an average of about six months.
Hamme herself didn’t even have to wait that long, getting an operation date scheduled about three months after Kay was approved to be a living donor through the paired kidney exchange program.
“We could not believe how quickly it happened,” Kay said upon hearing the news from Schaefer. “I started to cry, I was so relieved, I was so excited.”
Hamme’s kidney failure diagnosis in 2019 had taken a major emotional toll on the family.
“My mother-in-law is a best friend and second mom to me,” Kay said. “My first thought (hearing the diagnosis) was, ‘Are we going to lose her to this? How much time do we have with her? What will this time look like? What does it mean for our family?’ I could just tell that my husband (Eric) was in shock.”
Hope during COVID-19
The pandemic made a somber chapter in their lives even more trying.
“Normally, we take summer vacations together. (Hamme) hasn’t been able to see (Kay’s stepson) Brayson play any of his sports this whole year. Her grandkids are her life,” Kay said. “We’ve barely been able to see, let alone hug each other, and time has not been on our side. It’s been devastating that we couldn’t all be together like we normally are.”
But from this dark time came hope. When word spread that Hamme, who worked at Watertown Regional Medical Center, was in need of a new kidney, Kay said about 100 people volunteered to be a donor, an incredible gesture, but understandable given Hamme’s winning personality.
“Camille is sunshine when she walks into the room,” Kay said. “She takes the time to get to know you and passes no judgment on anyone. She is someone with a huge heart and strikes up a conversation with anybody. … She is super funny and outgoing and the life of the party.”
Kay and her husband Eric were part of the first group that went through an online screening, followed by a phone interview. The UW Health medical team looked at their medical records and determined blood types.
They were both selected to come in for eight hours of tests in November, ranging from a CT scan to a mental health screening. Doctors eliminated Eric as a donor due to his family’s medical history, but Kay was told that her kidney was “ripe for transplant.”
Not a direct match
But it wasn’t a match for Hamme directly. In general, criteria like blood type, genetic markers, a living donor’s age and the size of a kidney are factors that determine an optimal match, Schaefer said.
So Kay signed up for the paired kidney exchange program with Hamme. “We joke all the time if she can put up with my son and grandson, giving a kidney is going to be easy,” Hamme joked over email.
Kay may even inspire others to donate their kidneys. She has become an outspoken advocate for the cause, talking about her experience on The Mix and her social media channels, and becoming an ambassador for the American Kidney Fund. One listener even contacted her to let her know that they were going to sign up to be a living kidney donor.
Once Kay donates her kidney, it will take her about four to six weeks to recover, she was told, and she can’t take any ibuprofen, which can be detrimental for your kidneys.
“I’ve just been told I need to keep up with the healthy lifestyle I already have,” Kay said. “I work out about four days a week, so I need to keep doing that, and make sure I’m not just doing weights, but that it’s cardiovascular-driven.”
The thing she’s most nervous about is maintaining a healthy diet, ensuring she’s getting enough calories in the day while scaling back on protein. But Kay’s grateful that through her donation, “we won’t have this fear hanging over us.”
“The sleepless nights are fewer and further between now that we’re getting closer to a resolution,” Hamme wrote to the Journal Sentinel. “I think I’ve embraced my own mortality through this process and knowing how much love my family has shown through this process is something that I’ll always cherish and remember, even long after the kidney transplant process is over.”
And besides helping her mother-in-law, Kay’s kidney will help someone else in need in Kentucky.
“I am someone who always wanted to have my own children biologically, and I can’t successfully do that,” Kay said. “Doctors can’t explain why. I’m healthy, but I have undiagnosed infertility. And there were so many times I was angry at my body and angry at God, and I suffered a devastating miscarriage. Why give me a strong, healthy capable body when I want to help and to give life? It feels like such a natural calling for me.”
“My gut told me from the beginning to do this,” Kay continued. “I never looked back. I was put on this Earth to do this. I want to live a life of purpose, and I want to give back.”
Contact Piet at (414) 223-5162 or [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter at @pietlevy or Facebook at facebook.com/PietLevyMJS.
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