Home But Not Alone: A Coronavirus Diary
As we begin our annual flirtation with spring, we’re so close to a life that is full again: hugs, friends, family, travel, long dinners out, shopping for fun, and really, doing anything for fun.
While I’m excited about what’s to come, I’m also assessing what is. Yes, this has to do with wearing real pants again.
Here’s the thing. We’ve been surviving, day by day, and that means many things are allowed to slide. We’re isolated and scared and worried sick about our loved ones. Many of us were losing loved ones.
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In that context, who cares about working out? Who cares about eating right? Who cares about how early wine-o-clock is lately? Who cares if I’m up late doom-scrolling or watching “Bridgerton” for the fifth time?
Well, no one. But maybe it’s time to look around and see if how we’re living is really the best way to move into our better days ahead.
Here are my top three changes. Maybe you’ll see something helpful for you, too.
Change one: Skittles are no longer a food group
This is a real bummer. What’s better than coping with chips and candy and another cookie or three? Well, many things, actually.
If we think of our bodies as machines, not feelings-food processors, then we have to take care of them to keep them running. I’m starting small and with things I actually like: more salads (with good dressing AND croutons), more fruit, olive-oil-drenched vegetables, whole grains and not bringing any junk food into the house.
No more buying cookies and saying, “Oh, my son will love these,” and he gets literally one from the whole bag. No, I didn’t hide it from him! He should look in the top cabinet if it’s so important.
Change two: Move the caboose
Pre-COVID, I was working out at Barre & Soul in Providence’s Wayland Square twice a week. Sticking to any workout was a first for me, by the way. Since quarantine, I’ve been able to join their Zoom classes, but honestly, I’ve averaged twice a month.
I’ve found peer pressure to work best for me. Check in with an accountability buddy. Join a studio that charges if you miss a class. (That worked for me!) My in-laws just completed a charity walk of Iceland through The Conqueror Virtual Challenges. It doesn’t matter what you do … just do it!
Change three: Winding down wine-o-clock
This is a tough one for me, but wine-o-clock was definitely a crutch I used this year. More often than not, my evening included a glass or two of wine to “feel relaxed” or “go to sleep easier.”
The problem is, drinking causes anxiety. It also wrecks sleep. On nights you drink (and for nights after), you’ll have fewer REM cycles. Alcohol actually counters why I say I’m drinking it!
While I will always love wine, I do not love how it makes me feel. Tired, anxious and, sometimes, regretful.
Perhaps this quote will hit home for you, too: “Does [alcohol] cost more than it gives, does it shrink more than it expands, does it cut pieces out of me I can’t reclaim? Does it make me hate myself, even just a little bit?”
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That quote is by Holly Whitaker in her fantastic feminist takedown of the alcohol industry and culture, “Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol.” If you’re a Chrissy Teigen fan, it’s the book she’s been using on her sobriety journey.
Or, for a softer touch, you may like “Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol,” by Ruby Warrington. The author shares her journey to better mental, emotional and spiritual well-being, which means she went from sober curious to sober-sober.
Listen, I hope you’ve had a much more on-track year than I have. I hope you’re eating right. I hope you’re exercising. I hope you’re not leaning on booze to get through bumps in the road. But if you have veered a bit off course, please know you’re not alone.
The light at the end of this COVID tunnel is looking bright. It’s so close we can feel it on our faces. Now is the time to be honest with ourselves so we can step into the light feeling healthy, happy and whole.
Vanessa Lillie is an author who lives in Providence with her husband and young son. She is writing a weekly diary for The Providence Journal. Staff writer G. Wayne Miller is curating the diary.
