Ask Amy: A broken couple pretends to be ‘whole’ | Live Well
Dear Amy: I have been married for over 30 years. At our 25th anniversary dinner, my wife told me she was interested in trying an “open marriage.” I was shocked, thinking that we still had a strong desire for each other. Later, at a counseling session, when asked if she was physically attracted to me, she said flippantly, “Not now, never was.”
That opened a chasm in our marriage that has grown, and we no longer see a viable way forward. Counseling didn’t help us figure out how to recapture our love. We decided that it would be better for us if we could try a “trial separation.”
Then our daughter (the youngest of four children and in her 20s) suddenly exhibited some alarming mental health issues. Thus began a journey of hospitalizations, brushes with the law, and significant behavioral issues. Following two years of treatment, and on meds, our daughter has stabilized to the point she can work, but she is very dependent upon us.
We put our separation on hold and worked relatively well together during the height of the crisis, but ultimately, this has not brought us closer.
We are both unhappy. We only discuss our daughter; we have had no intimate relations, and often our tension creates volatile arguments.
If we separate, we are terribly afraid of how our daughter will react. We fear destabilizing her.